During my last post I said I had 186 followers on Facebook, which was my only active social media at the time. Today I have 218. So from October 2020 I have managed to grow my audience…*checks calculator* by 32. I’m a year and a half that averages…1.7 audience members a month. That’s abysmal, but it’s still growth. The studio I’d just moved into has taught exactly 2 students. Again, abysmal, but still growth. And I still haven’t set up a Patreon or made a new YouTube video or started my Etsy store.

So what have I done? I downloaded and started using Habitica, a free app that’s supposed to help you be more productive. And, weirdly, it’s making me more productive. I know now when it’s time to change the sheets, vacuum carpets, and a few other chores I tend to forget. I run the robotic vacuum regularly and the pet hair isn’t building up. I post regularly on my Facebook and have downloaded Twitter to my phone (but really, does anyone even tweet anymore?). I found out I can actually use the WordPress editor on this new phone of mine so look forward to more regular content from me going forward. I’ve been applying to new jobs and getting all rejections. I did a wedding and a honeymoon. I increased my daily step goal gradually from 4000 to 9500 and don’t feel like I need to sleep all the time. And I reached out to an artist for the logo package for my Etsy that I started to set up but have no content to post so I’m stuck for a minute there. Oh! And I started getting my certification as a Master Gardener for the state of TN.

So it’s not like I’ve been doing nothing. But I look at my friends and I’m so happy and excited for them because they’re finally gaining decent traction with their stores, blogs, podcasts, social media personas… Whatever. And I admit it; I covet their success a bit. Today I feel brave. Today I look at the process of getting myself out there and I feel like I just need to start something and everything will fall into place. It’s raining today, though. So after pushing through the pain all work, will I still have the energy to pursue progress when I get home? I honestly don’t know. I’m still fighting jet lag from being in California last week on top of everything else.

I was recently inspired by a comic strip that discussed how difficult it is for those of us who are middle aged to keep up with the changing medias and formats and subjects and content styles and I realized: I’m waiting for a really that will never be. I’m never going to be able to “git gud” with crafting videos with one media before another one replaces it in popularity and expectations. Like, what even is Instagram? And Tictoc? Why would you tic? Toc? Before it was Twitter, then Tumblr and this weird nebulous “why do ppl spend so much time on Reddit?” What is even the point of Snapchat? There is only 1 student in my studio to keep me educated on the current tech and that’s an awful lot to expect of an 11 year old. So I’m going to have to just dive in. I’m going to have to make mistakes and create content no one sees or likes even though I’m sticking it out there. I’m going to have to face the void and, this time, I’m going to have to win.

Lately I’ve been thinking to myself that perhaps the way to get over my fear of the inevitable silence would be to just…create for myself but post it where it can be seen or purchased. And, honestly, that seems to be how my friends got successful. They put themselves out there and eventually their fan base found them.

So here I set out again with the grandest of intentions, a bit wiser and with better technology. Perhaps this time, something will stick.

Before I go… Just because I’m curious: did anyone actually put a cape on their toothbrush? I need to know.

PS: every one of you is still my hero.